The Do’s and Don’Ts of Talking to Someone With Anxiety
When someone you care about is feeling anxious, the way you communicate can have a powerful impact. Your words can offer comfort—or unintentionally make things worse. It’s natural to want to “fix” their anxiety, but often the best support comes from simply knowing what to say—and what to avoid. Understanding a few key do’s and don’ts can help you foster trust, empathy, and genuine connection.
Understanding Anxiety: Why Words Matter
Anxiety is more than occasional worry or stress—it can feel overwhelming and persistent. People experiencing anxiety may struggle with racing thoughts, tension, or even physical symptoms like rapid heartbeat or nausea. Because anxiety is often invisible, well-meaning comments can sometimes feel dismissive or minimizing. Recognizing the seriousness of their experience is the first step toward communicating effectively.
Do’s: Supportive Ways to Communicate With Someone Experiencing Anxiety
Offer Empathy and Reassurance
Simple statements like “I’m here for you” or “I understand that you’re feeling anxious” can make a world of difference. These phrases show that you care and acknowledge their feelings without judgment. Empathy validates their emotions and provides a foundation for trust.
Ask How You Can Help
Instead of assuming what someone needs, try asking: “What can I do to help?” or “What do you need right now?” This approach gives the individual the opportunity to express their needs, allowing you to support them constructively. Learning more about communicating with someone with anxiety can give caregivers and loved ones additional tools to strengthen supportive conversations.
Listen Without Judgment
One of the most powerful ways to help someone with anxiety is to simply listen. Avoid interrupting or offering immediate solutions; focus on being present. Active, non-judgmental listening can make someone feel heard, understood, and safe.
Respect Their Coping Strategies
People with anxiety often have coping mechanisms that help them navigate stressful moments. Supporting these strategies—even if they differ from your own approach—can reinforce their sense of control and well-being.
Be Patient and Consistent
Anxiety can fluctuate from day to day. Showing patience, being consistent in your support, and following through on promises builds trust and demonstrates that you are a reliable source of comfort.
Don’ts: Common Mistakes to Avoid When Talking About Anxiety
Avoid Minimizing Their Feelings
Phrases like “Calm down” or “You’re overthinking” can feel dismissive. Anxiety is rarely a choice, and telling someone to simply “stop” can increase feelings of shame or frustration.
Don’t Ask “Why Are You Anxious?”
While it may seem like a natural question, asking “Why are you anxious?” can unintentionally suggest that their feelings are irrational or unjustified. Instead, focus on listening and validating their experience.
Avoid Offering Oversimplified Solutions
Statements like “There’s nothing to worry about” or “Just relax” often fail to acknowledge the complexity of anxiety. These comments can make the person feel misunderstood or isolated.
Don’t Pressure Them to Share
While talking can be helpful, some people may not be ready to discuss their anxiety. Respect their boundaries and offer support without forcing disclosure.
Avoid Judging Their Reactions
Everyone experiences anxiety differently. Avoid criticizing or comparing their reactions to your own expectations, as this can lead to shame and discourage them from opening up.
How to Encourage a Sense of Safety and Calm
Creating an environment where someone feels safe and understood can reduce anxiety triggers. Use a calm tone, maintain gentle eye contact, and avoid rushing conversations. Small gestures of reassurance, like offering a quiet space or a comforting presence, can make a big difference. Being predictable and reliable in your support helps someone with anxiety feel more secure.
Recognizing Your Own Limits as a Supporter
Supporting someone with anxiety can be emotionally taxing. It’s important to recognize your own limits and avoid burnout. Encourage professional help when necessary, and remember that your role is supportive, not therapeutic. Taking care of your own mental health allows you to provide sustainable, compassionate support.
Choose Empathy Over Impatience
When supporting someone with anxiety, your words and actions matter. Show empathy, listen without judgment, and offer reassurance. Avoid dismissive or oversimplified comments that may make them feel alone. By focusing on understanding and compassion, you create a safe space where they can open up, feel supported, and begin to manage their anxiety more effectively. Your approach can make a meaningful difference in their emotional well-being.